This is the first time in a long time that I have written on of these before. But I just needed to let this out of my system. Throughout my entire college career thus far, my lovely soulmate and I have both been living on campus, and during one point we were even living together. These were the most magical days of my life, because not only was I blessed with the most perfect woman and angel God has ever created in my eyes, but I also get to be with her all the time, visit her, and give me a taste of what it will be like when we are finally moved in together. Whenever I would be in my room,at least I would have the comfort of knowing that she is just steps away from me whenever I needed her. We would do everything together, we would wake up in the morning to each other, or get ready to see each other, we would spend the day together studying, eating, going places, or waiting for each other outside of class.It truly was the perfect situation. Our most recent years living within one another’s company was these first 2 quarters of our sophomore year. But as of recent days, she will no longer be living on campus due to financial constraints and relieving her parents of a large financial burden for school. Upon initially hearing this, I was a bit sad, obviously because I would continue out the last quarter of the year living on campus while she commutes, but I was mostly happy because she did work hard to please her parents and she was successful in completing the petition to cancel process. But as time has progressed on, now I find myself pondering the situation more and more, and the more I meditate or daydream about it, the more I just feel like breaking out into tears, because I just keep thinking of all the most perfectly wonderful memories we’ve created together since first meeting each other on campus, and all of a sudden our entire relationship flashes before my eyes and I then realize that this has all come to an end. When I move back in tomorrow night, I will no longer be able to visit my beautiful soulmate anymore at my leisure because she doesn’t live there anymore. I honestly feel like just breaking down right now from how much I’m going to miss all of these memories and freedoms and privileges, etc., but I can’t because I don’t want anyone to see me like this besides her. I know that we will create more memories in the future even though it won’t be the same as before, but like I just said right now: it won’t be the same :’( I remember all the times I used to see that beautiful goddess of a woman walk from her dorm building to mine, or her dorm room to mine, in her cute pajama shorts, long sleeve cream white shirt with flowers on it, and this cute little teddy bear that I gave her as a gift for christmas :’( xoxoxo <3 I remember us always staying up late, playing truth or dare, watching late night movies, helping her with hw, or just spending a romantic night in each other’s company. I remember us spending the entire day going from the library, to starbucks, to classes, to getting lunch, to all sorts of activities in different orders. When actually living with her, I can recall all the times we would go through a fun filled or stressful day, coming back to the room and taking a nap together, or at night when we would grab midnight snacks or something else to satisfy our craving. I also remember the times when we had our first time giving our full selves to each other, and also when we each got sick at times and we would take care of each other. I can go on and on about the things I remember, because a lot has happened in the year and one month we’ve officially been together, as well as the 6 or so months we were falling for each other deeper and deeper to a point where we realized we were meant to be together forever, as soulmates. But I don’t know I just feel so depressed that those privileges are gone now, and I can already imagine how alone I’m going to feel on campus without her living there. Sure we will see each other all day at school, but at night, I cannot feel the warmth of her body pressed up against mine, or the healing good night and good morning kissies we would give each other every day, or being able to shower together when we wanted, or just anything like that…….Damn now I really am starting to cry as I think about these things while I type :’( It just goes to show just how much I love her and how much she means to me, and just how sorry I am for anything and everything I have done to hurt her in the past, because all I care about is her happiness and whether all of our feelings about each other are mutual.I am so sorry if I ever gave her reason to doubt, I’m sorry for whenever I seemed mean or too jealous or sensitive or seemingly controlling or anything :’( :’( I just wish I could relive those moments again and again whenever I wanted to, I would so give anything for that! I can’t wait to be living with her again, to be doing all kinds of things with her again, so that I will feel complete with us in each other’s company all the time. I am just so grateful that she feels I am the best for her, and that she is always excited to be able to be eternally bound to me, and how she can’t picture herself with anyone else :’( hearing her lovely thoughts of me in her cards, or her texts, or in her facebook messages when we were still unofficial, or in her personal words to me when we would be together, all of that just makes me cry from happiness :’( I can’t and there never ever will be any woman who even comes close to comparing with her perfection. Her beauty, sexiness, charm, smile, beautiful eyes, personality, love, care, emotion, etc. has me hooked for eternity <3 I just wish I had her here right now so I can cry in her arms and bury my face in her chest until my heart pain goes away. I can’t stop myself right now. I just need her to hold me and tell me that everything’s gonna be ok :( Cutie beeb, if you read this, please know how much I love you so very much with all my heart, soul, body, and mind, and with everything that I have to offer. Please know how much you are everything to me, about how you are my perfect soulmate, best friend, best lover, best shoulder to cry on, best secret keeper, like I said, you are the entire package deal and more! You may not have been the initial “perfect image” of who I thought I would end up with for the rest of my life, but now I’m glad. Because the surprise was worth the wait and the mystery. The unexpected I feel is much more thrilling than expecting something to come along. The only one who knew was God. He alone knew that we were meant to cross and merge paths forever at a specified point. Although I truly wish it could have been sooner, I’m glad it was still relatively soon when we both were still pretty innocent and “inexperienced” to a degree, so that we can experience everything together <3 I will forever be grateful to him for blessing me with you my Bequita. I just hope you understand this and know this forever and ever <3 xoxoxo and although things won’t be the same in the future for a while until we can live with each other again, I just know, hope, and pray that we can make the best of everything until then, continuing on enjoying ourselves making all kinds of new memories for years to come. It won’t be 100% the same, but please let’s do our best. Please help me my lovely soulmate, my most beautiful angel :( my heart feels so heavy right now and I feel so depressed from missing all of these things. Please help me be strong, give me strength and courage to persevere. I will do anything and everything for you my meemer da beeber, all I ask is for the comfort of knowing you will always be at my side through thick and thin through everything, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live, both here and in the next life xoxoxo <3 muah muah muah!
~~Much love always and forever,
Your Soulmate: Lucas aka Beeb/beeber, Chubby baby, Babe, Turd Baby, and the very first nickname you bestowed on me……Peter Rabbit xoxoxoxo <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
